He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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