Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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