I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
