i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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