..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
