Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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