Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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