I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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