Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
