Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
