i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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