Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
