are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
