I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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