I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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