remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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