How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
