just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You're like the curious george of whores
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
