booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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