what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
