He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
