Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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