She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
