I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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