Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and she was petting her beer can
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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