its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
