When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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