i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
