So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
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Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
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Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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