i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
