Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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