Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
