Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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