Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
