im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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