A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
