also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
