I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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