Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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