just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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