thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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