lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
