you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
