his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
