allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
