I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
