Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
