Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize