Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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