I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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