I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
