Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
