I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
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I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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