I am midnight drunk by noon
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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