The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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