she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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