Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
