The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
