Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
