I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize