So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
