Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
