The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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