i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
