She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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