I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
