You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
