At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
