i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
