I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
And then he peed in my hair
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