I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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