You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
